Thinking out loud while "changing my thinking"

in Him


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A place to call home

Bare with me as I attempt to communicate on very little sleep.

Still awake from the unexpected alarm going off at 3:30 am (UGH)… I can’t help but think about my experience here in Denver.

So far it has been…interesting.

Contrary to what I imagined, the city appears to be small… or better yet, spread out… kind of like Atlanta.

Even on the ride into Denver, we literally saw NO mountains. (jaw drops)… not sure how I could be wrong on so many levels…I thought I searched all possible google images LOL. But to make things worse, there has been no way to escape the tentacles of this meeting aka major disappointment.

Please realize that for the past several months, I have conjured up an image of perfection when thinking of Denver. Between thoughts of the majestic Rockies… beautiful weather… the overall idea of being able to gallivant a real city, yet have the option to retreat to cabins and /or trails with spectacular views and lakes at my disposal… yes…I had a dream.

I had built an idea in my head, that somehow, Denver could be the place for me to finally call home.

 

Within in a few hours of exploring “16th Street Mall”…which I will admit, is very cute and buzzing with energy at night… we had multiple experiences of bad food… bad service (do better Cheese Cake Factory!)…and noticeably fewer options, with all the replicas of stores (such as 6 Starbucks on one strip)…. I was pretty much on the side of “There is no way, I would want to live here.”

But the following morning, around 5:30 am…as the dawn pierced through a sliver of spacing between the curtains… all was quiet…I decided to take a peek at what the city looked like in the stillness of the morn. Much to my surprise, I caught a glimpse of the Rockies from my hotel window. 🙂

I was ecstatic.

From that point on, all the negatives we had experienced began to look like minor divots in a sea of possibilities. No place would be perfect. It could work! I just need a chance to explore.

Now I wish this was a tale of how I played hooky and created the experience I wanted (my typical norm) in trying to discover my “home”…but it’s not. I was stuck in the hotel where the conference is being held and in the vicinity of 16th Street Mall for meals.

But what I take from this, is the potential for more…a part of me longs for that place to call home…and I believe even if it may not be in Denver (still not ruling it out)… It could be in Boulder… or Knoxville…or wherever else. Nothing says I can’t keep exploring my options until I find the place that truly resonates with the desires of my heart.

At the end of the day, my true home lies with Him… so the physical home is a temporal satisfaction… and the possibilities of that, are endless.

Rest assured, I will be back!

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The Blog World (revised)

Somehow my edited version of this blog did not get published. So sorry for the redundancy, but I will take a stab at recalling what I actually hoped to communicate.

The blogging community is pretty amazing. Though I was up at an ungodly hour (alarm went off at 3:30 am Denver time), I finally realized there is a method to the madness!

It began with a notification that Opinionated Man (http://aopinionatedman.com/about-opinionated-man/) is now following my blog. Then by seeing a response, Morning Story and Dilbert (http://morningstoryanddilbert.wordpress.com/author/morningstoryanddilbert/) had written to me…WHO KNOWS HOW LONG AGO!!! SMH!

(utter shock)

You have to realize, each of these bloggers have THOUSANDS of followers… one in particular over 20000…so for them to take the time to respond to commentary is like WOW.

It was at this moment, a light bulb went off!

Though blogging is very much a way of communicating and sharing your deepest thoughts with whoever may be interested… it is also about humbly, valuing the readers…respecting them…showing an interest in them… and in some way acknowledging the time they take to read an expression of yourself.

Afterall, who am I that anyone should take an interest in my rantings?

So today, I say THANK YOU to all those who have chosen to follow this blog and/or read posts. It is definitely not a polished art for me yet, but my hope is that as I continue to read and get inspired through Him and other written expressions…it will get there!

 


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Don’t quench the fire

Just as I was finally calming the scatterbrain, beginning to read my bible in the midst of talking to Him…I started thinking about the camping trip I will be missing out on…because I am attending the Rocky Mountain Magnetic Resonance Conference in Denver.

I thought of the missed opportunities to connect with people and to observe them in a different setting… Boy do I LOVE seeing people in a variety of experiences… so much to learn! Then somehow, my brain went into how I would want to be known as well, in a different setting…

I started thinking about, how the only way to share who you are, is by letting people see who you are in a variety of environments… the only way for someone to truly, find some level of attraction to you…that is beyond the physical… is by them experiencing your fire burn…the warmth that they enjoy being around, the radiance of personality, the pain that comes from being scorched by your anger (maybe a little reach with word choices here LOL)… etc…

I thought of the this guy, who is going on this camping trip, and how I consider him decent physically, but have found his personality attractive for a while… and some of his challenges in pursuing women…I thought of how he is successful career wise and financially… etc… yet single. And in the maze of thoughts, fast pictures  of a number of my single female friends… especially the ones who have never even dated…and how they see themselves because they have gone “unnoticed” for so many years of their lives. I thought of the convo I shared with another friend where she emphasized the importance of preparing yourself for marriage etc.. Again a topic most married couples seem to elude to, saying they didn’t realize how different marriage actually is.

Entangled in my web of thoughts, was the article I just read about Tina Turner (73) getting married to german music producer, Erwin Bach, in switzerland yesterday… after 27 years of dating. 27!!! I can only imagine  what caused that delay…between her past experiences and maybe wondering if there was any real reason to get married… who knows…

But what I noticed from one of the photos of her and the new hubbie, is that she was just radiant…absolutely gorgeous. And He looked enamored with the sight of her. After 27 years, of which they probably lived in their house for at least a decade, if not more… he simply looked like the doting husband.. who was happy to finally put a ring on it.

And I could not help but think about how we should NOT let our fire die out! More than learning to keep house… to cook… to dress for various occasions… and manage money (PLEASE DO… very important considering its one of the leading causes of problems in marriages… I pray I get better at this myself)…and getting physically healthy for yourself and your family (Extremely important, hence I started slowly working out a few days a week, 2 weeks ago)…

Besides these practical preparation steps… I think during these times, rather than become disheartened…losing hope… or even having such a low self-image… for example, thinking you must not have anything to offer.. or are unattractive… BURN EVEN BRIGHTER

Become more confident in being yourself in every circumstance…

I saw an ad on Facebook, which used an old George Elliot quote “It’s never too late to become what you might have been” …showing the legs of a runner.. I believe it was for Zephyrhills… and I was like YEA! (mainly because my goal is to one day be a runner! lol)

Bottom line, be who YOU are created to be… FULLY… and let the God given relational experiences teach you how to be even better!

Dive into those friendships, no matter the risk of judgement, hurt, loss, etc… and be the best friend you can be… and let those experiences reveal your selfishness, childishness, wrong thoughts… and allow yourself to experience the grace of being sharpened!

You can only become more radiant.. more attractive…and more secure!

At this stage in the game… what will hiding in a corner, holding back who you are and feeling inadequate really accomplish? Absolutely nothing!

So if you are single… at least enjoy who you are and let the people you come in contact with be left with a mark from the encounter!