Thinking out loud while "changing my thinking"

in Him


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I was persuaded to listen to a tape called “dealing with rejection” and though overall, I thought the speaker made great points, I can not help but disagree with him on one part in particular: it should be easier to explain the gospel to an adopted child, than anyone else. Which in my mind equates to him saying they would be able to understand and receive it (and I could be completely wrong and bias based on side influences).

Though his reasoning seems fair and logical; it is very one-dimensional.

He uses the classic idea of having strangers know what you look like (etc) yet still choose you to be their child; how they were not stuck with you like parents who have a child through natural birth.

But, what of those children who were not chosen because they were wanted? What of those children who were placed as a burden of care to someone else due to unforeseen circumstances? Or the children who were used to manipulate a situation? Should that still be considered a “good” choosing?

What of the children who literally are the bait on the hook, conditioned to get the right fish that would lead to comfortable living? What if it’s a combination of circumstances or completely different?

In my head, I believe my family loves me. But nothing can change the impressions and feelings I grew up with as a child. Even though I was never even told I was “adopted,” as a kid, I beg to say it made the feeling of detachment, not belonging, being a stranger/odd ball… a more enhanced reality. I never spoke of it to my parents… how could I? I would not even know what to say. At most, I probably wrote a water downed version of my feelings to my mom in one of a million letters I wrote to her in attempts to communicate.

Watching your brother get the nice stuff… yet somehow feeling like you must be the responsible one… the one who does not burden the family… watching him get away with so much because he was “being stupid” (immature etc)… while you were just a calculated whatever.

There was no denying to myself that I did not fit. I knew I did not fit somehow… and I could never understand why. Eventually I learned why. Bottom line, my parents did the best they could… they loved me the way they could… they cared for me… they provided for me… and I will always be grateful for that because like the speaker said… we are not entitled to be adopted. But if I were to use my “adoption” analogy to relate to God’s choosing, I would be left utterly handicapped and unsure of a lot more.

Hearing my b. mother tell me that I was taken to keep her within a marriage… true or not… was not in any way going to help my perspective of how things were or are.

So no, I choose to say God’s choosing is UNLIKE any other. Nothing will ever take away the reality that God saved my life. That God saw me and made me worth something more. That He accepted every part of my being, even in my state of lacking any substance, with nothing to offer, depraved, whatever you want to call it… till this day, embraces me as I am.

God’s choosing is not comparable to anything mankind can offer because sad to say, people are selfish. Sometimes I ask myself why He chose me, because I can’t understand it… it does not make any sense to me considering how good He is…but I can tell you a lot of possible reasons as to why others have chosen me.

So I disagree with that earlier statement made by the speaker… because what I have experienced,… just the gift of having my eyes opened to the reality of God… Him constantly pursuing me in the midst of every choice I have made… even in the years of not acknowledging Him… the desire for my well-being… with Him helping me to realize I don’t have to “earn” His love like other people… no expectations… no pressures… no facades… walking through some of the darkest moments of my life with me… when I felt like a complete failure… worthless… aimless…alone… and He still gave me hope… and restored me over and over. No… nothing compares to that.

Adoption into God’s family… being chosen… redeemed…may seem easier to explain to an adopted child… but not necessarily. Sometimes, it makes it a challenge because you don’t even know what truly being accepted looks like. And that is something He has been and continues to work on in me.


Author: ladyhallow21

I am simply just me. Some people consider me free spirited...some consider me conservative. I have been told I am dominant, moody, playful and charming... but those are all just personality traits. Who I am is defined by who my Father calls me, his daughter...though adopted... I was chosen... and have an inheritance... so yes... that is who I am. in the midst of this, I am not a cookie cutter person... I am very much an expression of an individual. I love to travel...I love food...and I love people. :)

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