A little while back, while in the midst of a conversation, I saw the “nugget” look…something that could either be lost in a barrel of thoughts forever (slight exaggeration) or could be shared to invoke more thoughts… a worthy conversational piece…
Why is that the be all and end all?
The that in question was basically marriage tagged with the idea of having the standard dream of kids, a house, etc. The idea of truly having it all … success (as long as a stable, comfortable income is generated)… Like once that happens, a light switches on and the deepest needs to love and be loved, to know and be known, to accept and be accepted…are instantly satisfied.
With statistics showing that in the USA, the divorce rate is about 50%, etc… why does this seem to be the last point that will mark our lives being complete?
But even aside from the statistics… what happens beyond the fairy tale ending? After the hero and the princess are united… what next? Is that it?
So much energy is placed in the idea of what that will bring into our lives… wholeness? security? comfort? happiness? a sense of self-worth or significance?
But what about the people who never get married…or got divorced… or are widowed? Where do they stand in this picture?
From my stand point, as much as I believe in marriage and the beauty of what it represents… as much as I hope to one day share in that… to grow through the challenges of the experience.. the commitment to serve another till death… well physical death at least. I would like to NOT get rushed into it… I would like to not be treated like I am less complete…inadequate… and like I am excluded from club elite because I am not there yet. Because the reality I see is that THAT is NOT the be all and end all.
that will not satisfy all my deep needs for love, acceptance, security and significance… that will not define who I am because my relationship status is not what gives me my identity.
I will not walk this path like my one purpose is to finally find THE ONE… like all of a sudden loneliness disappears (which it does not, talk to some married folk) and then I will be content?
The depths of my soul needs something way bigger and more fulfilling than what that can give… so how about we get a little realistic and put our hope in something that is constant and will actually last for an eternity. Desiring it is good…but there is something even greater.