Thinking out loud while "changing my thinking"

in Him


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I’ve always thought to myself… and shared with a couple of my close friends… that I believe God is a genius. What better way for our character to be revealed than through our daily interactions with people. Whether by what we dosay or the most concealed of them all, what we think… there is absolutely no hiding the reality of your heart condition. Though some may be “oblivious” due to lack of reflection or maybe are content in who they are irregardless of the outcome (aka fruit) evident in their lives or _____ whatever else. Some are so consumed with comparing their idea of what they are to those around them, which in reality is a nonsensical approach given that people are fickle.

In most scientific fields… I can not speak for any other field…you are taught that a standard should be used… a control… some measure that stays constant or is easy to interpret because it is known… “well-studied”… etc…something that can be compared with measurements of interest to yield “conclusive” observations. So even though I fall into the categories I mentioned above…being oblivious at times… consumed with my ideas at times… etc… my only basis of true comparison is God.

But what makes this all the more exciting, is that at any point, I can see a reflection of my character through the relationships I have with people. To say the least, there is one in particular that has brought me flat-out to the conclusion that this, sometimes seemingly giving person… is actually very selfish in comparison to the ultimate giver. This friendship has challenged me in SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many ways…what seem to be endless demands and expectations of me as a person…some of which are legitimately not mine to fill…others which come to the core of my default state.

Before I share that in detail, I have to talk about the general levels.

Level One:

I think it is safe to say that when you are in fleeting relationships, the ones that you visit on occassion…see in passing… even some that go deeper than surface conversations…you are on your “best behaviour”. Though some may consider this fake… its not necessarily.. it may truly be your response and attitude of servitude when you see another person in need of something so basic… whether your bringing them a cup of something to drink, undivided attention which only takes up a few minutes of your time, etc…

Level Two:

At this point, maybe the requests made of you, demand a little more… they become slightly inconvenient…maybe it’s a ride to somewhere at some odd time…maybe its a little money for whatever reason… maybe it’s the expectation that you will demonstrate some level of care by investing a little more time (showing up to events, etc)…

Level Three:

The real deal. The ones that you can not escape. Your either found in situations where they are tied to you through blood…(let’s save the debate of whether blood is thicker than water for another day)…engulfing you  in a mountain of expectations… you make majority of your choices (especially when you are younger)… to gain their approval… to feel secure in your sense of belonging… accepted…loved…

Aside from the implied family ties (parents, siblings, etc)… they can also be found in other relationships which cross all barriers…whether in marriage… close companionships… even with room mates… these are the people you are tied to by CHOICE…. your own conscious decision to commit.

I have a handful of level 3 relationships, and all of them seem to expose my most selfish… self-centered/self-absorbed (almost feels like these are interchangeable)… and self-sufficient…of qualities.

Even in watching their generosity toward me, and knowing I fall short… I still find myself prone to think on what I do or do not want to do… how I am just being me… I should not have to… and I can  (fill in the blanks)  myself…. I … I … I …I…

The I comes up a lot. Does this make me unworthy of those relationships? Does this make me a failure? Does this make me a bad person?

I think not!… I was one of those people that he spoke of… “they that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick.”

There is no need for me to wallow in guilt and/or anguish over where I am now and what seems like an overwhelming gap in character… because there is no gap between Him and I… though my actions scream  of so many wrong qualities… who I am is still the same because of who He is (1 John 4:8)… He chose me to become like Him (Rom 8:29).. He adopted me (John 1:12, Eph 1:5)…He took me in… and He is at work (Phil 1:6)…

The beauty of this is… it’s not an excuse to stay the same… or to ignore the evidence presented before me.. but its all the more motivation to become more dependent in the midst of knowing where I fall short. Knowing where I lack… should push me into the reality of the “I am”… it just makes sense…

The more I am there, the more I can receive… and the more I can give… aka… I become less demanding… less full of my high expectations and standards… less full of myself… less “all-important”…a real journey… not always fun…. but definitely interesting.



Author: ladyhallow21

I am simply just me. Some people consider me free spirited...some consider me conservative. I have been told I am dominant, moody, playful and charming... but those are all just personality traits. Who I am is defined by who my Father calls me, his daughter...though adopted... I was chosen... and have an inheritance... so yes... that is who I am. in the midst of this, I am not a cookie cutter person... I am very much an expression of an individual. I love to travel...I love food...and I love people. :)

One thought on “Genius

  1. You better Preach !!!!

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